Yo dont text me then not text me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
