Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
