Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
