i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize