Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
