I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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