I just pynch a tree in the face
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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