Farmville is her only friend.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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