Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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