new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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