my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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