i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
