u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
