Don't make out with my wife yet
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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