i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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