shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
