i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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