it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
