You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
