i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just found puke in my bra..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
