Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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