I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it's like heaven, but drunker
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
