What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
