Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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