Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
