im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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