First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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