omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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