My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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