One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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