is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
