I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
