I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
