Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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