then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
