Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
