the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
