no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
