I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my phone needs a breathalizer
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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