she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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