john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
