Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
