yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
