you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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