Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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