there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I understand Curling. That high.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
