I cockslap morals
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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