he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
