My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
