Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize