her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
