I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
