So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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