you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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