I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
