OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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