He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize