I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
