I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
