somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
ok first of all what the fuck
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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