so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
