I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
