I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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