she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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