She is in my trunk
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize