she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
