Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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