Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
