The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
