Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
